Cops are Tops

My mate Sam and I met some lovely chaps at the Swank Hotel on Friday night.

They were cops.

Clearly I need another cop in my life like I need a hole in the head.

Still fresh from the way my former Copper Dog (“Dickhead Rod”) dumped me, I wasn’t exactly ready to meet more members of the NSW Police Force. But you can never plan these things. They just happen.

Sam and I were in celebratory spirits. She had scored a major win against her grossly incompetent Strata Manager and I needed to move on.

What better way to do this then with drinks at The Swank. The first bloke who ‘picked us up’ was El Salvador George - a chef (clearly from El Salvardor.) who works at the GPO on Martin Place.

“You come to my home and I cook you beautiful foood,” he told us.

His quest for a conquest was soon cut short. The poor bastard had to go home because his “cousin was locked out.”

Anyway Sam and I got talking to nice looking chap about…..football. He then introduced us to his other buddies. They were all detectives. And they drank cocktails.


What lovely chaps they were. We really didn’t dwell too much on crime. They did confirm that the term “Leb Hair Cuts’ is used by cops however it was “strictly for inhouse talk.”

Another term used by the cops is “The Housie”. “What’s a Housie” you ask.

“A person who lives in a Housing Commission estate who has either a mullet or a sharpie with a rat’s tail hair cut.”

All three confirmed that Shappelle Corby is guilty.

“If she wasn’t some white chick nobody would give a shit.”

They also hate the Bra Boys. And so did we.

We all agreed that New York was the best city in the world and that Peter Debnam and his budgy smugglers were a joke.

I really had a lovely night. It was just so nice to chat to a bunch of blokes about sport, superannuation and travelling. I could have stayed all night except when I got a text from Sam.

Sitting just opposite me she wrote

“Mate I am going to vomit soon. Must go home. No offence”.

It was fortunate we did leave at that time. We exchanged numbers and we made it home safely.